Sunday, May 21, 2006
Today I saw a license plate that said...
...I love cooking with wine -- Sometimes I put it in the food.
I'm in a bit of a rut with my daily work life, and Kate is eyes open about her future change of scenery. We love the life and the people in it, but with each new phase in life comes new people. Tony posted about how someone he knew died, and made a point that "you know you're getting older when those around you move on."
He was referencing death (maybe more?), but I'm putting my own spin on it, and I'm not sure if it's the best way to view things, but it does make things a little easier.
You graduate grade school, high school, and college, and you miss those people you used to be with. At each phase you enter a new subculture of thought, music, feelings, and principles.
Grade school you meet the people who become your first inner circle and those people are the first "friends" set -- quite important. You interact with (give or take) the same 30-40 people for about an 6-7 year period.
High school becomes to group of puberty and adolescence -- the opposite sex becomes interesting and things become "complicated." Poor souls -- you will know soon enough. A set of 100-300 people total, while a subgroup of 20 you actually know and talk to. Depends on how social you were. The multi-tiered relationships start, but college will show that much more. I left high school, saddened that a lot of people close to me would be far and we wouldn't hang out much, but I held on to the ideology that I would stay close to my closest friends, who are luckily going to local colleges.
Enter college, a huge network of multi-tiered relationships: acquiantences, classmates, fellow bros/sisters, people you met at some function/party, friend-of-a-friend, TAs, the local smart guy, stoner, nerd, dancer, dj, loner, hottie, asian, indian, arab, black, white, and every color/culture/style in between. As your network of people get so big, the level of relationships may dwindle and you realize that as people leave your life, you can't hold on to them so much. A group so large that a yearbook seems entirely pointless, where no one person could possibly know every other person, save for seeing them a couple times on campus.
I left college, saddened to leave, but I did not make that many friends. I knew a lot of people, each of which we shared only a small subset of school and life. These are people you added superfluously to your facebook/myspace/friendster, since you knew them/joined a club with them, but you don't really know them or would just go out and grab coffee with them. Don't get me wrong -- the people I've lived with were my core group of friends and I appreciate every thing we've had together. Viento people, Rockview, and Doreen (to an extent) -- you will be missed.
The point is that life gets more and more complicated and these relationships spread thin and thin. So thin, that when the next step of life comes along and splits you and your people -- it's easier to let that go.
Maybe it's because your lives didn't intertwine as much as they could have. Either you didn't have that much time, s/he didn't have that much time, or it's just that there isn't as much time left to do things (compared to grade school/high school).
Maybe it's because we all know the more important things in life we need to pursue -- family, love, education, work, experience. Seeing the world, getting out of california, living with a loved one, following up with graduate studies -- it would be selfish to want to stay away from their fate and their dreams. Now armed with knowledge and experience to get a job, they can actually puruse their dreams and make those kind of mistakes that sub-30s make.
The next stage of life. I guess I'm already there, working ho-hum 60 hours a week. Kate's moving there soon, and I'm so proud, and a weird combination of excitement and fear. Whatever happens, we'll work it out together, and it's nice to know that life still has lots and lots of surprises for me.
I'm in a bit of a rut with my daily work life, and Kate is eyes open about her future change of scenery. We love the life and the people in it, but with each new phase in life comes new people. Tony posted about how someone he knew died, and made a point that "you know you're getting older when those around you move on."
He was referencing death (maybe more?), but I'm putting my own spin on it, and I'm not sure if it's the best way to view things, but it does make things a little easier.
You graduate grade school, high school, and college, and you miss those people you used to be with. At each phase you enter a new subculture of thought, music, feelings, and principles.
Grade school you meet the people who become your first inner circle and those people are the first "friends" set -- quite important. You interact with (give or take) the same 30-40 people for about an 6-7 year period.
High school becomes to group of puberty and adolescence -- the opposite sex becomes interesting and things become "complicated." Poor souls -- you will know soon enough. A set of 100-300 people total, while a subgroup of 20 you actually know and talk to. Depends on how social you were. The multi-tiered relationships start, but college will show that much more. I left high school, saddened that a lot of people close to me would be far and we wouldn't hang out much, but I held on to the ideology that I would stay close to my closest friends, who are luckily going to local colleges.
Enter college, a huge network of multi-tiered relationships: acquiantences, classmates, fellow bros/sisters, people you met at some function/party, friend-of-a-friend, TAs, the local smart guy, stoner, nerd, dancer, dj, loner, hottie, asian, indian, arab, black, white, and every color/culture/style in between. As your network of people get so big, the level of relationships may dwindle and you realize that as people leave your life, you can't hold on to them so much. A group so large that a yearbook seems entirely pointless, where no one person could possibly know every other person, save for seeing them a couple times on campus.
I left college, saddened to leave, but I did not make that many friends. I knew a lot of people, each of which we shared only a small subset of school and life. These are people you added superfluously to your facebook/myspace/friendster, since you knew them/joined a club with them, but you don't really know them or would just go out and grab coffee with them. Don't get me wrong -- the people I've lived with were my core group of friends and I appreciate every thing we've had together. Viento people, Rockview, and Doreen (to an extent) -- you will be missed.
The point is that life gets more and more complicated and these relationships spread thin and thin. So thin, that when the next step of life comes along and splits you and your people -- it's easier to let that go.
Maybe it's because your lives didn't intertwine as much as they could have. Either you didn't have that much time, s/he didn't have that much time, or it's just that there isn't as much time left to do things (compared to grade school/high school).
Maybe it's because we all know the more important things in life we need to pursue -- family, love, education, work, experience. Seeing the world, getting out of california, living with a loved one, following up with graduate studies -- it would be selfish to want to stay away from their fate and their dreams. Now armed with knowledge and experience to get a job, they can actually puruse their dreams and make those kind of mistakes that sub-30s make.
The next stage of life. I guess I'm already there, working ho-hum 60 hours a week. Kate's moving there soon, and I'm so proud, and a weird combination of excitement and fear. Whatever happens, we'll work it out together, and it's nice to know that life still has lots and lots of surprises for me.
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