Insanely Awe-dical

So I'm at the office.  I walk into the door I always walk into and I hear these noises.  It sounds like sort of random tapping on a door.  I look around and apparently there are sounds coming from around the door - the door right by my desk.  It almost sounds like Snatch or Bailey pawing or tail wagging against the door. 

Normally I'd freak out for a second, then chill out.  But the sound is still there 1 hour after arriving.  And while I'm working, all I can think about is - dammit someone let Snatch/Bailey in or give them a snack or something so they chill out. 

Labels: at the office, neurotic

My fly was down. How long was it down? It was the first time I went to the bathroom today. I probably never even zipped it up this morning. I bet there are magnets in the floor in the bathroom - they just pull down zippers and embarrass men at the urinals.

This is the sad part of my morning. Back to work.

Labels: at the office, neurotic

I get a little angry when I see my gross pay next to my net pay. I suppose it's almost AMERICAN to complain about taxes and how much the government gouges my bi-weekly check (moment of neurotic clarity: that's once every two weeks, not twice a week. I totally agree with Sheldon from Big Bang Theory - the term bi-weekly is ambiguous). I'm just doing my duty as a loyal/faithful citizen of this glorious country.

However, I suppose I should be happy that my taxes "only" take away 20% of my check, and not much more. I suppose a bit of dutiful math can help someone reading this determine what my salary IS, but that person has to be very curious, nosey, and decent at math (or google). Of course, there's the whole x-factor of how much I contribute to my 401(k), my medical/dental insurance, and my flexible spending account, which all comes out before taxes. That should effectively throw off any math that anyone reading this may or may not be capable of doing with or without the help of google. At the best, someone can come up with some range that includes my salary, all of which makes this incredibly moot.

Labels: at the office, neurotic

Sometimes at the end of the day, the bathroom lights get turned off. It's not on some timer - there's a classic light switch in there, flipped to the off position. It seems like the perfect time for me to get murdered by the guy hiding in the dark. I flip the lights and it's usually fine though.

On a side note, we have those paper towel dispensers that have motion sensors. Sometimes when I'm in there by myself, I hear some the motion sensors click and some paper towel dispense. I suppose in movies that would be when an attacker is sneaking up on the protagonist, but something unsuspected (the motion sensor) tips off the hero in time to defend himself. I'm sure I'll be fine, but I need to remember to be alert next time that happens.

Labels: at the office, neurotic

So I went to South Point to go bowling the other night, and needed to hit the bathroom. This is a casino, mind you, readily designed to handle a large amount of traffic - including bathroom traffic.

It's close to midnight, so the casino is fairly empty, HENCE - the bathroom was empty as well. Against standard urinal rules, I decided to pick the first urinal I found. I'm not sure if people are aware of the standard urinal rules, the heart of the rules is: pee at a urinal where you have space to both your left and right, with a preference of one urinal open between a wall or another person.

Apparently, the guy that entered after me had no idea of this standard of rules. He had the option of about 10 stalls and about 15 urinals, and decides to trap me and take the urinal next to me.

All of a sudden, that song by the Police started playing in my head - "Don't stand - Don't stand - Don't stand so close to me"

Gah - damn you - there are tons of other urinals.

Whatever - zip, wash, get the fuck out of there.

Labels: neurotic

Today's sad moment is brought to you by Konami's coffee system. 

There are two ways for me to get coffee at the office: the single-cup auto-brewer, which dispenses a single cup of black goodness, and the traditional pump thermos.  The thermos is normally not available, so I decide to get a pump from it to fire up my system today.  I depress the pump to a half cup before it starts sputtering. 

Yes, the thermos is empty.  Yes, my cup is half-full.  Yes, my only other source of coffee is auto-brewer that will dispense one full cup - exactly 1/2 cup more than my current cup can accomodate.

I sadly add cream and sugar (half the amount) to my half cup of coffee.  Yay Mondays.

Labels: at the office, neurotic